Ottawa’s radio daze

By Rose Simpson

Update: Just learned from one of my bleaders that Bill Parker did not retire; he was laid off. This makes the Ottawa shuffle even worse. Thanks Karen.

I blame myself.

I used to avidly listen to Majic 100.

This may surprise many of you who remember me as a rock/blues music critic at the Ottawa Citizen some years back. (Not so much if you read some of my cringeworthy reviews. I was drunk, okay?)

But then, you didn’t know I like Barry Manilow and Phil Collins, either, I’m betting.

I started listening to the Majic Morning Show with Kevin Nelson, Bill Parker and Tracy somebody or other when the kids were little. I turned the dial on CHEZ 106 when Geoff Winter left and they brought in Dic and the Woodster, I mean, Doc and Woody.  After spending years listening to the mellow tones of Geoff, I was unsettled by Doc and Woody who were always making lewd comments and sick jokes. I didn’t want my kids listening to that garbage so I reluctantly switched stations.

There was another reason.

 I was watching the Grammys and realized I didn’t know one single artist on the show. Not a Backstreet or a Boyz to Men, not a L’il Bow wow or a Nora Jones. CHEZ chose to completely ignore popular music in favor of the makeout music I used to listen to in high school.

So the combo of bad hosts and tired music made me switch.

I needed a change.

It wasn’t long before I got to like Kevin Nelson who was always corny and silly, but never dirty. I used to listen to Kevin’s dad, the legendary Jungle Jay Nelson on CHUM in Toronto, so I felt almost as if Kevin and I were related.

I liked Bill Parker, too. He was always a fun guy, the type you’d expect to be your neighbor in Orleans, the guy dispensing wit and wisdom over the cedar fence.

They were warm and comfortable like a couple of Lazy Boy recliners.

Sadly, after the kids grew up and I stopped car pooling, I stopped listening to the radio altogether. I was never in the car in the morning, and I always put the television on instead of listening to the guys.

It’s people like me who are responsible for the decline of commercial radio. It’s a competitive business, which is always changing deejays like panties, and so I guess it was inevitable that us old folks would get the shaft. Now we will be punished, and forced to listen to Stuntman Stu and that googly Angie Poirier — yuck — or change stations.

Where to go?

Thank God for Dog FM.

Geoff’s back! I was so happy to hear this one morning, I nearly wet myself heading to the gym.

Or so I thought. I just read on Facebook that Geoff has returned to Florida to attend to family matters. We can still hear his show Soul City — which he’s broadcasting from “the dirty south” — but he’s been replaced in the morning by a guy named Dylan Black who used to be Anthony James on Majic. Unless he has a voice twin.

He’s not great, and his act is not helped by his morning crew who just sit there and laugh and laugh at his stupid jokes. Today, he was talking about the Stevie Ray Vaughan classic, When the House is a Rockin’ (Don’t Bother Knockin’). He launched into a riff about the song being all about screwing and not slappin’ the bass.

His insight was met by uncontrollable laughter from his fart catchers, who must be, like, eleven.

Anyway, I hope they bring Geoff back to mornings again soon or I’ll be forced into the purchase of satellite radio.

And on a final note, I want to say how deeply sorry I am to hear that Kevin Nelson is ill. As with all radio station staff changes — which are the equivalent of mob hits (where’s the body, Pussy? wha happened to him? Dunno, boss, I never seen him again) — we have not been told what the mysterious illness is.

I’m hoping Kevin makes a recovery and resurfaces somewhere else.

Until then, the future of commercial radio in Ottawa is very dim.

Hey Kev, give me a call when you’re back on air.