Yesterday, Scott looked at me said this: “Well, at least you’re not so down on yourself anymore. You’re always so negative.”
He doesn’t get it.
Sometimes you need a little negativity to get started.
Ask the AA people. They’ll tell you.
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you pick yourself up.
Self-loathing and negativity are important fuel sources for action. It’s like when you’re depressed and you don’t shower for a week. After a while, when you’re all funky and smelling like last week’s raw tuna, you say “I just can’t stand myself.”
Then you shake yourself off and wonder “why didn’t I shower for a week? I feel so much better.”
It’s like the old adage that you can’t truly be happy until you know misery.
And man was I miserable last winter. I didn’t feel like doing anything. All I wanted to do was sleep and each Lay’s potato chips and frozen yogurt.
Whenever I tried to write something, I’d develop a pool of sweat between my boobs and my belly.
Yuk.
I was at my lowest, most negative point. I hated everything and everybody — except the dogs — who can hate them?
Mostly, I loathed the fact that I had become Jabba the Hut.
You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re watching The Biggest Loser with a glass of wine in one hand and a bucket of chicken in the other and you find yourself surrounded by negative energy, swirling like a prairie duster, that you hurl at the television screen.
“Wow, just look that woman. She’s monstrous.”
You reach your bottom at the end of the season when the woman, who pretty much looked like you if you were really honest about it, is now a size six and running a marathon. Meanwhile, you’re still rockin’ the easy chair with The Colonel.
Of course, you don’t look at yourself anymore. It’s like you’re in a period of perpetual Jewish mourning with all the windows and mirrors covered.
The lowest of the low.
Finally, you get so mad at yourself, you decide to kick your own ass.
That’s what I did.
Took all that negative emotion and put it into motion.
Sweatin’ like an oldie.
Negativity can be a powerful thing. It can immobilize a person. It can give you cancer.
It can ruin your life.
Or it can get you going.
Your choice.
Spoiler: Pick door number two; always a better option.
I still have a good store of negativity.
I use it for my blog.
To rail against injustice, stupidity and lameness.
To make fun of bombastic barons with too much money and too few morals.
So now I’m using my negativity to combat evil instead of beating myself up.
I’m Wonder Woman in a DD, well, DDD if I’m honest about it.
Don’t mess with me.
Rose's Cantina 