Stephen Harper: One very angry dude

I was reading an excellent article today by Tim Naumetz who interviewed all manner of experts and scholars about Stephen Harper.

The question: will the leopard change his spots?

The overwhelming opinion?

Of course not.

I am no expert on this subject, but I do see some intriguing parallels between Harper and the Prime Minister most like him, Pierre Trudeau.

I worked in Trudeau’s office as a 25-year-old writer, and I spent several years communicating the policies of PET to the so-called militants. I had a bit of an inside view — unfortunately drenched, as it was, in youthful optimism.

In his final term, Trudeau was delighted to have a majority. He knew it would probably be his last rodeo and he wasn’t shy about going about changing the very face of the country in one go. He was also happy to oblige many of his loyal foot soldiers and their pet projects, namely the Axworthy Brothers and the finance minister of all finance ministers, Allan J. MacEachen.

The end result was a final term that was both brilliant from Trudeau’s point of view and disastrous for the Liberal Party.

We all know what happened with the Constitution. Trudeau became obsessed with Patriation.

As one of his minions, I did most of my writing on bringing home baby. The Trudeauites actually made me write this headline for the front page of the Party newspaper, ad Lib, when I was editor:

Time to cut the Gordian knot.

Whatever that means (as I said, I was young and fairly shallow, but I went with it, not understanding at all what the dudes were talking about).

So instead of focusing on dealing with some fairly major economic issues, Trudeau’s Liberals went balls out on the Constitution — leaving Quebec out in the process — and setting the stage for the alienation of Quebec and the routing of the Liberal Party once and for all.

High five from Jack Layton!

The next thing the Liberals did was bring in the National Energy Program, which pissed off the West, which in turn never voted Liberal again.

Finally, there was Allan J.’s disastrous budget. I remember vividly opening returned envelopes from party faithful and seeing my tabloid magazine shredded, or marked up with “Bullshit”. It was really quite startling.

This also started happening with our fundraising materials. I got two incredible letters from party supporters, one with a photograph of a man waist down jacking off, “here’s my donation”, and another a carefully crafted pop-up of a middle finger.

Still, the Trudeau Liberals soldiered on with other greatest hits like “Staying alive with six and five”, “why should I sell you wheat?” , “the Salmon Arm salute”, “young offender, what young offender?”.

By the time Trudeau was through, we had a brand-spanking new Constitution and nobody was talking to us.

Oh yes, and, like Stephen Harper, Trudeau ladled the Senate with so much Liberal gravy, it was starting to look like poutine.

Will Stephen Harper, like Trudeau follow through with his agenda or will we see him cowering in the corner of the House of Commons humbled by the fact most Canadians don’t want him, like him, trust him and didn’t vote for him? (Gotta love Canada’s electoral system!)

He’s already started, my friends. The steam was not yet off the ballot boxes and he was gutting Canada’s electoral financing laws, making sure that the have not parties had less.

Harper reminds me of a man who was in a bad marriage. Minority politics does that to a soul. For five years, he motored along, grumbling under his breath, still cutting the grass but doing it in a pattern to piss of the wife. He picked up the drycleaning, but later than was expected. And once in a while, the passive would become very aggressive. He left his lawn long and cut his neighbors instead!

Over five years, he became a very angry man. He also put on twenty-five pounds and started wearing square rimmed glasses to hid the darkness in his baby blues.

Now that he’s got a majority, it’s like he just got a divorce and landed himself at the Chicken Ranch. He’ll get his way in every imaginable position.

Harper’s also a smartie. He knows that politics is a fickle business, and he might not be around for another election. So it’s important that he makes his hay while the sun shines.

What can Canadians do?

Be vigilant.

There’ll be no more panty-waists on the judicial bench. Diana Ross has definitely left the Supremes.

Sit the kids down and remind them that if they do anything bad and end up in jail, they will stay there a very long time.

Hey dude, yeah, you, the guy rotting on death row. Say your Hail Marys. You ain’t comin’ back.

It’s Stephen Harper law and order time!

And he’s put John Baird in charge of foreign relations.

No doubt, he’ll be storming the UN demanding our seat back.

And if you’re a public servant, my advice is: take the package. You thought Paul Martin’s program review was bad. By the time Harper’s through, there will be no programs, at least no programs administered by you.

I can guarantee one thing based on my Trudeau experience.

If you don’t like Stephen Harper now, you’re going to really hate him in a couple of years.