Stephen Harper: Let’s all go to prison


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It was nice to see that the number one priority for the Prime Minister in this election is public security.

“Remain calm,” says Stephen Harper. “Only we Conservatives can protect you from the imminent threat of ISIS.”

To hear Harper tell it, there are jihadists around very corner, under every Burka, in every school just waiting to jump out and blow us up. Without his leadership, wanton criminals will roam the streets, like a scene out of the Walking Dead, equipped with handguns, bombs, and shivs.

Like Dudley Do Right before him, Stephen Harper will clean up the streets while Justin Trudeau keeps himself busy picking flowers, moussing his hair and getting ready for his shot some day, one time, far, far, away.. Stephen Harper will stamp out ISIS while Tom Mulcair desperately seeks a less rumpled suit, a less robotic gait and any manner of manscaping.

Some of us look at things a little differently. The pinkos, activists and single moms ask: who will protect us from Stephen Harper, the self-anointed hang ’em judge and jury? Who will right the wrongs of Stephen Harper, the very dude who has turned our prisons into holding cells for the indigenous and mentally-ill, who has made it nearly impossible for people to rehabilitate themselves after making bone-headed mistakes (no pardon for you, Rose!) and who has put our military and firefighters in harm’s way for a little photo-op action?

Since coming to power, Stephen Harper and his minions have set new records  of incarceration. Let the prison ombudsman Howard Sapers explain Harper’s contribution to prison reform in his own words.

“There is a keen public interest in criminal justice issues, which has been heightened by a government that has made law and order a centrepiece of its agenda, ” he says.“There are now more women and men in penitentiaries who are staying longer than they did 10 years ago.”

Sapers notes that, over the last 10 years, the capacity of the prison system is being challenged by the near doubling of the number of women in prison, an increase in the Aboriginal population from 17 percent to 23 percent, and a dramatic increase in the number of black and visible minority inmates.

“That says something about how our system works and about who is coming into conflict with the law.”

And how did Stephen Harper reward Howard Sapers for his good work as ombudsman?

He fired him.

You see Sapers still believes in rehabilitation and that is not part of Stephen Harper’s vision. So off with his head!

Stephen Harper was just getting started when he dismantled the firearms registry, despite cries of foul from Canada’s police chiefs who all believe that it’s nice to know how many guns a person has before the cop knocks on the door.

Now he has his sights set on law and order. Why? Because the prophet loving, bomb concealing members of ISIS are threatening our way of life.

To stamp out ISIS, Harper brought in C-51, anti-terror legislation that grants the government unprecedented and excessive powers.

But a lot of Canada’s freedom loving pinkos are afraid that Harper will use the legislation for evil not for good.

As Canada’s own Privacy Commissioner notes, ” it opens doors to collecting, analyzing and potentially keeping forever the personal information of all Canadians.”

Better clean out your hard drive, Jimmy!

And just to make sure we’re really, really safe, Harper has instructed the Canada Revenue Agency to delist any charity that engages in political activity. Because you never know, right?

A lot of freedom loving pinkos think that Bill C-51 is more about thought control than ISIS control. They think it’s a good way to get political activists to shut their pie traps and answer to the man who would be King of Canada.

Yes, sir, Mr. Prime Minister!

“Voluntary agencies live in fear of the CRA,” wrote Carol Goar, in her Toronto Star column. “If it decides they have stepped over the line between good works and political activity — pointing out the link between poverty and government austerity for example — it can revoke their charitable status.”

Can’t be too careful, can we? All in the name of law and order or at least Stephen Harper’s idea of good government.

To think. It all started with the elimination of the gun registry so farmers could shoot gophers with unregistered firearms.

“Free to be, you and me,” cries the farmer as he blows the gophers head off while non-ISIS crazies run around and exterminate family members, as non-ISIS shooters tear up the Eaton Centre.

Thanks Steve, I will sleep better knowing that you’re in charge of this country.

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