From Paolo Alto, it’s Facebook Live!

Mark Zuckerberg must be getting bored again.

Not content to spend his time pissing off the Facebook loyal with his endless tampering with their privacy settings, Zuckerberg has launched into the talk show business with his gal pal Sheryl Sandberg. Yesterday, Facebook held a talk back live from its Paolo Alto studio with none other than the Queen of Talk herself, Oprah Winfrey.

Check it out.

This much ballyhooed event, which attracted nearly a million of O’s nearest and dearest was an hour of Oprah talking about her destiny, how she always knew she would be an important person, a teacher for the masses. Sitting by her Granny’s knee in Mississippi, Oprah was given one lightbulb moment after another, all meant to benefit the poor, the sick and the bored on national television for 25 years.

Well, really, the Facebook Live! gabfest, preceded by her warm up act, Barry O’bama — who’s such a hurtin’ man, he’s doing the Black Snake Moan on Facebook — was nothing more than a big, fat infomercial for Oprah’s new network which is doing its own kind of hurtin’ these days. In an effort to prop up her sinking ship, Oprah has fired all the captains and has taken over the ship herself, launching a series of important new programs including the revamped Rosie O’Donnell Show.

You may well remember Rosie from such hits as The O’Donnell/Trump feud when she flipped her hair into a comb-over and nearly gave Barbara Walters a heart attack, not to mention the Elisabeth Hasselbeck Smackdown — which finally got Rosie booted from the View.

After that, Rosie languished on gay cruises and ran her own self-styled daycare until Oprah came calling and resuscitated her career.

God told Oprah to hire Rosie, to lift her up out of exile — probably at a very reasonable salary, her being unemployed and all — and put her on The Oprah Winfrey Network five days a week. Heck, Oprah’s got the Harpo Studio, and she ain’t using it anymore!

Thankfully, Rosie will be up the channel where nobody will pay any attention. The fact she is going head to head with Entertainment Tonight! will not help her show, either.

The second big show Oprah was flogging on Facebook was her own show, Oprah’s Life Classes, which will showcase Oprah as the teacher she’s always wanted to be. There’s even homework!

Really, this show is nothing more than a rehash of Oprah’s shows from the Harpo vault, reruns of her best shows (and I’m predicting worst) over 25 years (didn’t she just do that?). Oprah will take the best moments and give her viewers lesions, I mean lessons, on how they can improve their lives. As sure as shineola, I’m predicting that this is going to bomb big — if the Facebook Live performance was any indication. Remember when she did those webcasts with Eckart Tolle? Obviously, Oprah didn’t learn any lessons of her own from that flop. The lightbulb must have short circuited.

People want to be entertained at the end of the day, not given home work!

Women and gay men have always loved Oprah for the content of her shows, not necessarily Oprah herself. And they’re definitely not going to love Oprah preaching to them five days a week.

But that’s what she was flogging on Mark Zuckerberg Live! yesterday. People tuned it and sent her questions, although the questions seemed to have been set-ups that allowed Oprah to make all her points. It reminded me of those town halls we have in Canada where all the question askers are planted political operatives.  Pretty boring stuff, I must say.

People have already figured out that The Oprah Winfrey Network produces the same kind of fare as TLC and TV Tropolis; that’s why she’s in a ratings slide. If she thinks all she has to do is stand up and preach to get people to watch, I think she’s in for another light bulb moment, a Big One.

Everybody knows that Oprah was the best at the talk business. By branching out into her own version of 100 Huntley Street, Oprah is ruining her brand and making herself a laughing stock.

Time to retire, to go to her multimillion dollar pile and smell the baba ganoush.

As for Facebook Live!, let’s just say Mark might have blown his wad with his first big guest.


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