Fatties are really fitties: another damned study

At last, a study I can throw my weight behind.

There is news today that many fatties are actually fitties — and are healthier those with scrawny butts.

Well, duh.

It’s a well known fact that tubbos have a better chance of surviving wasting illnesses because they have a reserve of meat. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that I myself could survive a plane crash in the desert a lot easier than, say, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Look at Hugo on Lost.

He was one of the last survivors standing, right?

I know lots of folks who are technically obese and yet they are in excellent health. I am among them.

I weight 210 pounds (although a good 16 pounds of that is boob weight) and I am 5 foot 7 inches tall.

According to the old rules, a healthy weight for me would be 150 pounds.

At the same time, I have no health issues (knock on the treadmill). I take no medication and I eat better than most people outside of Japan.

Since March, I have spent at least six days a week at the gymnasty, doing cardio and weight training. I spend 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and another 30 to 40 minutes on the rowing machine.

I have only lost about ten pounds in six months (most around the middle), but I believe I am very healthy.

But society still stands in judgement of me because I am overweight.

For years, I bought into the whole notion that I had created a problem for myself. As a result, I have an exceptionally bad body image and I have spent years yo-yo dieting, watching television programs that offer tips to lose weight and spending hundreds of dollars on weight reduction products. I have jumped on any bandwagon that would have me, hoping I might finally be cured of this awful disease called obesity.

Now the medical community is saying: our bad, carry on being a fatty.

Thank you very much.

But I’m not about to take this news seriously.

I know there will be another study out next week that tells me that I will die young because of my weight.

Oh wait, look. Just minutes after announcing the pro-fat study, the presenters on Canada AM have just announced another study which suggests that every hour I watch television takes 22 minutes off my life.

Let’s all shut off Canada AM right now, shall we?

Here’s what I have to say to all these students of fat.

Go stuff yourselves, preferably with a double glaze Krispy Creme and a side order of Baconator.

Go study that.


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