I’m in the laptop of luxury

When you stop being a consummate consumer, life starts to pass you by.

I haven’t had a new car since the 1990s, and I’m amazed how far the innovation has come. Cars now talk to you, call the cops for you, park themselves, screen movies, have seats so warm you feel you’d peed yourself, and even tell you what song is playing on the radio. I thought I was doing well with just the hot seats in my ancient Subaru!

You can play games on your phone, flirt with celebrities over Twitter and be the first to hear about that tornado coming your way. My, my, my. I love living in this century.

I’m too poor for a fancy car, but I do have one of those new fangled phones, which I love, love, love.

And yesterday, Scott got me a spanking brand new laptop for my 55th birthday.

I’m writing this blog on it, but I’m having to backspace about every other sentence because they’ve added new buttons to infuriate those of us who passed the touch typing test at Carleton Journalism school back in the 70s. There’s a “pause” button — whatever that’s for — and bunches of other keys I’m going to have to learn.

I got it home and went to type something and realized my new computer didn’t come with wordprocessing software! So I scrambled around looking for my Word Office suite only to discover I only have the second disk. There is some rotten kid out there who has the first disk, and I’m intent on tracking down the culprit who left home with it. Thankfully, I discovered that Word offers a free version for poor folks like me — with a catch. I must put up with advertising.

I can take a lot of advertising to save myself $600 bucks.

Anyway, I have the full Office Suite installed on my honkin’ big computer downstairs and I’ve never learned to use any of it, not even Excel. But I’ve never been asked to use Excel, except to open stuff that other people created, so I’m not worried.

I can get onto my blog, Facebook and email is an eighth of a second now that I don’t have to put up with Microsoft Outlook holding big files for ransom. Yahoo opens everything fine.

One thing I do hate about getting a new laptop is all the junk you have to erase from people who are paying HP to put it on your computer. Like Norton anti-virus which I will never buy because they once told me I had a virus — I didn’t — just to sell me their lousy software. And EBay. Why do I want EBay? I have all the stuff I need — good stuff, I might add — and unless there’s someone out there who wants to buy a Terracotta Warrior that I bought at auction when I was rich and married to Mr. Big, I have absolutely nothing to sell.

But other than HP trying to sell me stuff I don’t need, I’m pretty happy with my new toy.

It’s on the dining room table which is right next to the fridge.

I can actually write my blog while reaching in for a snack. How great is that, my friends, how great is that?

Maybe I can finally write the great novel on this laptop.

But maybe there’s a space restriction on the free Word software.

Must check.

Anyway, I’m off to buy my next birthday present — new Mephisto sandals.

What a great day. I’ll be able to walk and type at the same time.

I’ll keep you posted. 🙂


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