Stephen Harper’s Rock Bottom Remainders

The person most disappointed with the appointment of John Beard, I mean, John Baird to Foreign Affairs has to be Laureen Harper.

Now that the Ottawa dandy will be flitting around the world, who will Laureen take to the Fur Ball?

Maxime Bernier?

For my part, I’m cheered that Black Beard is taking to the open seas like a modern-day Jack Sparrow, as he says himself: “I’ll be fighting hard for things like freedom, things like democracy, things like human rights, the rule of law.”

Hmm. Perhaps J.B. has hired Sarah Palin as his speechwriter.

“I can see Russia from my house!”

The intrepid journalist Carol Anne Meehan interviewed Baird yesterday and he talked thoughtfully about Canada’s foreign policy.

“We’re doing a lot around the world. We’re doing some heavy lifting in Libya, and some heavy lifting in Afghanistan.”

Ah, so that’s what we’re doing in those shitholes.

“Move off the forklift, Merv. John’s here to do him some plowin’.”


It’s good to see Harper is plugging the holes of his sinking ship, La Francophonie, with some heavy hitters. At least some heavy drinkers. Bernard Valcourt’s back, hopefully with a chauffeur. And that randy bastard Maxime Bernier’s back. Heard he went to the swearing-in with his new girlfriend, Tits McGee.

And then there’s that hot trio:  Baller Larry Smith, Fabulous Fabian Manning and Josee and the Pussycats Verner. They must be relieved to have been resurrected with Senate seats.( Josee and Pam Wallin can do each other’s hair!)  The retreads — aka politicians nobody wants — had been planning on joining Stephen King’s band, The Rock Bottom Remainders, but Steve-o picked them out of the bin just in time.

 It’s Christmas all over the world!

And last but not least, Bev Oda, the tiny imperfectionist has been given her old job back, making sure the world is safe from the dastardly abortionists.

Good thing for our young folk that Bev didn’t get Health. I’m sure she would have taken her tiny perfect pen and slashed the tobacco cessation program.

It’s going to be a great government, just a great one.

Thanks, Steve-o.

Can’t wait.


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