Truth in advertising

“I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.”Tina Fey, Bossypants

I saw the most disturbing picture of the actress/model Andie McDowell on an advertisement for Roots Rescue, the new L’Oreal product which is designed for women to do a quick touchup on their hair roots. This is a miraculous product particularly for brunettes, like me, who don’t like looking like skunks several weeks of the year.

But I’m not sure I can buy this product because it is a lie.

I believe in truth in advertising, so if I see a lie in the ad, I know that the product can’t possible change me from Pepe LePew into the darling kitty cat.

What’s the lie?

Her teeth.

Andie has these adorable Chiclet teeth. She shows her gums.

I think the real Andie looks amazing, sweet and human because of this. The L’Oreal ad makes it look like Andie was in a fight with some NHL enforcer, had her teeth knocked out, and she has morphed into Wayne Gretzky.

She used to have a petite mouth and now she looks like a Cheshire cat.

Now, I know that this is all a trick — at least I hope so — and the photo geniuses at the ad company Photoshopped her some new choppers. But it doesn’t look at all like her. I had to read the fine print to find out that it was actually Andie McDowell.

What a waste.

People in advertising agencies think we’re morons. I mean, look at those mascara ads with the models with long perfect lashes. I’ve tried every mascara on the market and my eyelash look exactly like brown spiders. Those lashes they’re wearing — they’re falsies.

When I was a kid, I was always getting depressed about my awful brown crinkled hair and I’d buy these products hoping my hair would look lush and full and straight, and my hair always ended up looking like binder twine. It took me years to realize that the hair in the ads was fake, too.

Another ad I’m bugged about is a local car dealer offering trips to Las Vegas if you buy a new car.

Does the dealer really think people are stupid enough to fall for that? I mean, all he’s done is jacked up the price — so you’re paying for that trip, my man, you’re paying for it along with an overly marked up piece of American car crap.

The dealer probably also has a gambling problem and he’s getting his trip paid for free.

I don’t know where I’m going with this; I have no point really.

I just want L’Oreal to give Andie back her choppers. She’s a beauty human, not a Malibu Barbie.


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