Liberal Party: Talk to the hand

It’s only been a week and already the mouths are motoring over at Liberal HQ.

Dr. Carolyn Bennett, a championship yapper, is suggesting that the Liberal Party get rid of Party President Alf Apps, and clean house. She’s mad because the Party exec has informed leadership candidates that the person who is interim leader cannot run for real leader after a convention is organized. I am assuming that Dr. Bennett wants both jobs, and so she’s mad and blames Alf.

Meanwhile, Jean Chretien is telling everybody who will listen that Bob Rae would be the perfect interim leader because he’s smart, he’s loud and he can out tinkle Stephen Harper on the ivories. Chretien, in reality, regards the Rae boys — Bob and John — as sons who will do what he tells them to do. Chretien, obviously, is having a poor golf season and needs something to do.

Meanwhile, Ralph Goodale, the voice of reason, is telling everybody to calm down.

Me, I miss Jerry Yanover.

I think Carolyn Bennett should mind her own business. Alf Apps was duly elected by the Party, not Carolyn Bennett. Let him serve out his term and give the Party back to Stephen LeDrew. Kidding, I’m kidding.

I think Ralph should be interim leader. Ralph is a good Liberal soldier who will do the right thing. He has that nice calming voice which puts everybody to sleep, so the Party can hibernate for six months, and figure out what to do next.

Iggy was smart to get out when he did. I thought it was cute that, when he resigned, he publicly asked for a teaching job somewhere and got one by-cracky. The guy is no idiot, right?

The Liberals need to just chill.

Let the little gaggle of MPs who are left do some good constituency and committee work and keep their heads down. Scale back operations at LPC HQ  and reduce the staff to two or three people.

Leave it up to Party members to figure out what the Liberal Party stands for.

Throw away that dog-eared Red Book. As Dr. Phil would say: “How’s that workin’ fer ya?”

Have all the brainiacs get together at Tom Axworthy’s backyard and come up with a plan. Tell them to bring their own sandwiches.

Until the Liberal Party brains have something to say, talk to the hand.

That means you, Jean. There’s a golf ball out there with your name on it.

Talking to you, Carolyn. Don’t you have a real boil to lance somewhere?


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