Jack Layton: Kindergarten cop


It appears Jack Layton will need to use his grandparenting skills to tame his newbie caucus.

That’s because many of his new MPs are barely out of high school. One, in fact, is only 19 years old.

It’s too bad Parliament has rules against hiring relatives, otherwise, most of these candidates would hire their moms to run their offices.

And do their laundry.

Captain Jack is already dealing with a truancy issue. Ruth Ellen Brosseau, you must know by now, did not campaign, had no signs, didn’t have a constituency office or a campaign manager and was famously in Las Vegas on election night. Crack reporters from CTV managed to track down her dad in Gatineau, and the news item reminded me of the feeling all parents get when the cops come calling.

“No officer, I have no idea where she is. Maybe you should check with her best friend, Lulu. She was sleeping over last night.”‘

Perhaps Ruth Ellen, the Carleton University pub’s assistant manager, wanted to reinact The Hangover in detail and she’s at Mike Tyson’s house.

With a tiger. And a male stripper.

Obviously, she did this on a dare one night after tossing back shooters at Oliver’s.

“Hey, Ruth Ellen, wouldn’t it be so cool if you ran for Parliament? In a riding that’s completely French? Bwah hah hah.”

She’s been on a bender ever since.

Maybe she got married at the Elvis chapel. Maybe she’ll come back toothless.

In any case, Ruth Ellen has some ‘splaining to do.

Question: how does a unilingual Anglophone near-teenager win a Quebec riding without, at the very least, the local news rag catching wind? Didn’t they at least do riding profiles?

Props to the journalists in La Belle Province.

The people of the riding, which lies between Montreal and  Trois-Rivières must have hated the Bloc incumbent, Guy André, either that or they love Jack Layton. Most of them probably didn’t bother to  vote.

In any case, Ruth Ellen should be on the re-election committee. She is a fucking genius.

Captain Jack has assured the media that Ruth Ellen and the class of 2011 will be ready aye ready for their gig in the House of Commons.

They’d better wear their Parliamentary pins or the Tories will mistake them for pages and send them out for pencils.

It’s going to be interesting, especially the Wednesday night parties.

I’m sure Jack can rely on Ruth Ellen to bring the kegger.

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