It’s Howdy Doody Time!


I blame the corn.

And the potatoes.

Every fall, I fall victim to the lure of the corn field as my neighbor, Mr. Limeydale, harvests crop after crop of peaches and cream. I’m also drawn to the new potatoes; I found a great recipe in the Silver Palate cookbook for new potatoes steamed in butter.

My weight problems begin and end with the August crop.

Out are the piles of fresh strawberries and cherries. In come the starches, which land directly on my omentum. A week ago, I noticed that my upper cheeks were becoming round again, and my smallest pair of gym shorts were getting snug despite a hearty regimen at the gymnasty. I’m getting my double chin back, too, which I can see from here reflected back as it is from the tiny perfect magnifying mirror I bought at Homesense for seven bucks.

It’s been hard to read the face, which is always where I put the molecules of fat first.

I had dermal filler in my cheeks in January. That’s when I took a bullet for our television production business and succumbed to the lure of botox and dermal. The dermal, for the uninitiated, puffs up sagging cheeks and rids vain goddesses like myself of what the surgeon calls “marionette lines”. Dermal lasts for a year, and I’m half way through; I can see the lines again yet my cheeks remain ominously puffed.

I’m starting to look very much like a human version of Howdy Doody.

It hasn’t helped that I learned to make the perfect margarita this summer. Two ounces of amber Tequila, an ounce of Triple Sec and third-quarters of a plump lime blends together for the perfect after work drink. I only have one because it packs a punch but the extra calories haven’t help my waist line, nor have the inhuman number of calories I’ve add as a result of a slide to the dark side –  in the form of a nasty but delicious Haagen Daas ice cream bar habit.

Damn it; it’s hard living next to a Quickie.

Scott’s off this week, so I’ve warned him that we must go back on our healthy eating and drinking regime. No more corn, potatoes, thousand calorie ice cream bars for us.

Well, that’s not exactly true.

You see we have our end of the season barbecue on Saturday and we are famous for the butter steamed new potatoes.

And corn.

And desserts.

Then Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Followed by Christmas.

See my dilemma.

I’ll try my best.

Watch the Biggest Loser.

Feel guilty.

Take an extra exercise class.

Kill me now.

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