What will we do without Oprah?
For 25 years, we’ve bonded with our mothers and our daughters at the knee of Lady O.
Now that she’s leaving the 4 p.m. slot, what will become of us?
I was thinking about this today, watching the grand finale, realizing that on Thursday, I’ll have to find something else to do in the afternoon. But let’s back up and say that I have done more than watch Oprah, I have cooked to Oprah, I have ironed to Oprah, I have dusted to Oprah, and I have gone to bed with Oprah.
In short, she is everything to me. The sun, the moon, the stars.
So what will I ever do to fill the silence in the room?
Always a girl to make lemons out of lemonade, I see this as an opportunity to put into action the words of the Good Witch Glenda@Oprah.com.
You’ve always had the power, Rose. You’ve always had the power.
The power to do what?
And then, sitting in my Nate Berkus designer O Meditation Room, it came to me, the solution.
As Oprah promised it would.
The little voice said this:
Stop being passive. Get up, turn off the tube and go out and make a difference in the world. You can do it, girlfriend, I always knew you could.
The voice, which was a very low octave for a woman began to whisper the ideas which would forever change this little poor farm girl’s life.
- Read the entire selection from Oprah’s book club and make Heather Reisman an even richer woman.
- Start a school for the disadvantaged in a foreign country. Make sure NOT to give out your personal email.
- Give away a car a week. Good financing is available through Toyota Credit.
- Make a list of your favorite things, invite 200 people over and give out the goodies. Use your handy BMO Line of Credit with very affordable interest rates.
- Go to the gym and finally get rid of 20 years of back fat.
- Redecorate your house using throw pillows, buckets of cheerful paints, and smelly candles.
- Declutter. Once done with them, give away all the Oprah book club selections and make the people who invented Value Village even richer.
- Go to a county fair and eat everything deep fried in sight.
- Go to a fat farm.
- Make a new friend and give her everything, even her own talk show.
- Make everybody who comes into contact with you sign a confidentiality agreement.
- Have an ah ha moment when the credit card bills come in.
Of course, I’m not going to do any of these things. I don’t have ah ha, light bulb or teachable moments.
I have panic attacks.
So I made up my own list.
- Have a real conversation with somebody, face to face, not over text, not over the phone.
- Go to Starbucks and order something other than a skinny latte.
- Learn to play video games. Finally, put that Wii to use. Play Zelda. You will never miss Oprah again.
- Start smoking pot. It’s what the boys do!
- Invite my friends over for Happy Hour. Forget dinner. Choose booze instead.
In any case, farewell, Lady O, see you up the channel when you realize you can’t do without my adulation every day at 4 p.m.