Bad hair day in Canada


By Rose Simpson

Another beautiful day in the nation’s capital, but I can’t help but wonder: what’s up with Stephen Harper?

I mean, did you see him yesterday? In the many years I’ve watched the man, he has never had a hair out of place. But yesterday, at the swearing in of John “The Pitbull” Baird, his hair was all akimbo. And the glasses. What’s with the glasses?

I know he’s known as a teetotaller, more or less, but he looked as if he’d had a battle with a bottle of Scotch the night before, and it looked like the Scotch had won.

Holding this silly minority government together, I’m sure, has been a trial for him. And rumors about his marital problems — true or imagined — probably haven’t helped his demeanor. Good thing he’s got The Pitbull by his side to take out any of his opponents or detractors.

Truth is, I’m not sure I want my Prime Minister looking like he’d slept in his clothes. Other world leaders have their problems, too. Look at the Brit — whichever one who is running the place — and Barry O’bama, the Irish tenor who’s in the White Crib. Barry’s got more than his share of headaches, what with the military leaking faster than a BP Oil spill. But didn’t he look fantastic on the View this week?  Didn’t you want to invite him over for some bangers and mash?

Maybe Harpseal needs a vacation, maybe at a dude ranch where he can wear one of his nifty cowboy costumes. Or a nice hike in the wilderness, with RCMP Commish Elliott riding shotgun to keep the bears away. Or maybe a good stint at hockey camp would do the trick.

Harpseal needs a makeover inside and out before the next election. Iggy’s magical mystery tour seems to be just what the academic ordered to get his poll numbers up. Harpseal has a pretty thin margin, so he’d better start polishing up his image.

Maybe the Pitbull can talk some sense into him. He’s a close confidante of both Harpseals, a trusted, fun-loving prancer who could give George Smitherman a run for his money, in all departments.

I genuinely started to feel sorry for Harpseal yesterday. Felt like shaking him by the shoulder, or giving him a good Moonstruck slap and saying: “Snap out of it, you have a country to run”.

The Tories have money. Bring in Cojo, Entertainment Tonight’s  light laufered fashion correspondent to freshen him up a bit. And maybe Rahim Jaffer could hook him up for a little frolic in the GTA. Maybe not.

But do something already. The guy looks like the cheese is slipping off his cracker.

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