British Pricks in the Gulf
By Rose Simpson
Associated Press is reporting that the British Pricks (BP) will set aside $20-billion to pay the victims of the massive oil spill in the Gulf.
That’s a relief.
I mean I’m sure all the pelicans and fish want to thank BP for being so generous. That’s all the pelicans and fish who are still alive. And it must be a relief to all the fishermen and the people who live in that area that the gobs from across the pond are opening their very large wallets to throw some money at them (under duress).
Sitting here as I am beside a toxic dump, I can say I am not a fan of big oil. You may recall that two weeks ago, the Ultramar guy forgot to tighten the valve and three hundred litres of oil spilled into my neighbours drain and sewer, meaning my drain and sewer. Since then, my neighbours have had to move out, and my lawn is filled with little flags indicating where the water and sewer pipes are. The engineers are digging up the basement, and installed a vent so that all the toxic fumes could be expelled into the air right beside my house.
Meanwhile, the suits are utterly perplexed as to where all the oil went. There have been dozens of them scratching their heads, trying to figure out what I could have told them all along — it’s gone down the drain with the dishwater. What a bunch of fools.
There are going to be some big lawsuits in my neighborhood, that’s what I’m expecting. But the big loser in all of this will be Joe and Jane taxpayer, who are ultimately going to pay for an environmental cleanup. It’s small, sure, no Gulf of Mexico. But I live here, for Christ Sake.
I’m tired of breathing oil fumes while barbecuing or sitting outside on my back deck. I’m tired of city crews, and cleanup crews. And I’m very sorry for my neighbours who’s only fault was letting a guy clean their furnace.
Come on, Ultramar. Where’s our cheque? I’ll settle for a free tank of oil. But I’ll pass on the free furnace inspection. Thanks all the same.