Go ahead: Blame Canada
By Rose Simpson
Aside from political conventions, there is no better place to get laid than at the Olympics.
Olympic villages have always been known as places filled with randy, hot pokesters, who forget the stern warnings of their eighth grade teachers. Drug company stocks soar during Olympic fever, with just as many athletes being tested for STDs as for steroid use.
Now comes the word that Peter MacKay look-a-like Matt Lauer split from his wife after he allegedly indulged in the horizontal mambo with some babe up in Whistler town. There has been much speculation about the identity of his partner. Some say it was Whitney Houston’s sister, others point bony fingers at the menopausal Meredith Vieira. And still others are saying the culprit was none other than one of the CTV news hotties bouncing around the village.
If I were a bettin’ gal, I’d put my money on one of the Etalk skanks. I mean there were literally thousands of these little on-air bunnies flitting around eating poutine at all hours, mugging with celebrities. The Etalk stable is stocked full of babes of all varieties, black, brown, Asian, Jewish. And for some reason, they are all named Lainie.
I wondered all through the Olympics why they needed so many of them. There were a couple of brainy news bunnies, Lisa LaFlamme being one, who actually knew something about news and sports. But for the most part, these lovelies seemed to just be around to perk up the scenery. They even had a blonde intern whose job it was to stand in line for some gay ride or another.
At several points the news bunnies were seen cavorting with Matt Lauer, and he seemed to enjoy the jiggling, giggling repartee. So who could blame him for taking a little washroom break? Are news anchors immune from all the pheromones flying around the Olympic village? I think not.
I can’t imagine Matt and Meredith. I mean, please! No one has seen Meredith’s real face behind the softie filter for at least two decades, but I’m betting she looks more like Barbara (get well soon) Walters than Elizabeth Hasselbeck. And from the pics of Whit’s sis, well, let’s not go there.
So blame Canada, I say. And move on. Matt, tell your supermodel wife that it was just sex. Because hot Olympic sex is worth way more than VIP tickets to the curling. Sometimes, you even get a souvenir for it.